We are all Relate fully trained and experienced counsellors, who specialise in helping people address issues in their relationships. We understand that making the decision to get counselling can be difficult, and we have helped people through this hundreds of times.
Based in Hampshire Surrey and Wiltshire we bring experience, professionalism and commitment to help you work through relationship issues in a safe, non-judgemental environment.
Currently all our services are being offered online only
Once lockdown restrictions allow, face-to-face counselling will be available as follows…
• Relationship Counselling for Couples and Individuals: Aldershot, Andover, Basingstoke, Bordon, Farnham, Liss and Overton
• Counselling for Young People: Aldershot, Farnham
• Family Counselling: Aldershot, Basingstoke, Bordon, Farnham, Liss
• Psychosexual Therapy (Sex Therapy): Aldershot, Andover, Farnham, Basingstoke, Devizes, Salisbury, Amesbury
To book an appointment please contact your counsellor of choice directly. Each counsellor has a "Who we are" page with contact details.
Other sources of support
Many good books on relationships are available these days. We particularly recommend those published by RELATE.
If you are experiencing changes in mood, it may be worth talking to your GP to rule out medical causes.
And if you are in danger from violence, abuse, or suicidal urges, please get help quickly from an appropriate agency such as Samaritans or the National Domestic Abuse Helpline, or call 999.
A Therapist's View
Stop trying to change your partner’s character
That’s some basic communication skills advice. If you’re putting your energy into telling your partner how they need to be different, that’s unlikely to work. It just generates hostility. Especially if you make it about their character.
Suppose your partner always leaves their rucksack in a place that you don’t want them to.
- You could simply ask them to change the behaviour: please don’t leave that there
- You could also give a reason: please don’t leave that there, because when I came in carrying something I tripped over it. If you do this, keep the reason very short. Never over-explain.
- Or maybe be constructive: say where you’d like it to be left
- What not to do is to generalise: you always leave that there
- Or to be non-specific: this place looks like a bomb hit it, when you mean, your rucksack is in an inconvenient place.
- And even worse is to make it into a character trait: you’re such an untidy person.
Do you recognise any of the above patterns in your partner or yourself?
If you’re telling your partner that they need to have a different character: they need to be calmer, or more outgoing, or less fussy, or more tidy, or whatever… all you’re really telling them is that you don’t like them. It’s like asking them to be taller. It’s likely to make them feel hopeless and demotivated. Make a request for a behaviour; not a critique of who they are as a person.
If you struggle with this, by all means contact us and set up a conversation.