We are all Relate fully trained and experienced counsellors, who specialise in helping people address issues in their relationships. We understand that making the decision to get counselling can be difficult, and we have helped people through this hundreds of times.
Based in Hampshire Surrey and Wiltshire we bring experience, professionalism and commitment to help you work through relationship issues in a safe, non-judgemental environment.
Currently all our services are being offered online only
Once lockdown restrictions allow, face-to-face counselling will be available as follows…
• Relationship Counselling for Couples and Individuals: Aldershot, Andover, Basingstoke, Bordon, Farnham, Liss and Overton
• Counselling for Young People: Aldershot, Farnham
• Family Counselling: Aldershot, Basingstoke, Bordon, Farnham, Liss
• Psychosexual Therapy (Sex Therapy): Aldershot, Andover, Farnham, Basingstoke, Devizes, Salisbury, Amesbury
To book an appointment please contact your counsellor of choice directly. Each counsellor has a "Who we are" page with contact details.
A Therapist's View
Hundreds of arguments, usually the same one
When we talk about the following, Counsellors/therapists etc can go into psycho-babble-land and quickly disappear in a puff of smoke. We would call it ‘couple fit’, ‘attachment theory’, ‘relationship type’ and ‘the negative cycle’. In the real world it is called real life. Simplistically, it is the idea of why we can repeatedly develop certain characteristics in forming friendships and romantic relationships (‘attachment theory’ and ‘couple fit’), what forms those relationships generally take (‘relationship type’) and the repeating pattern of behaviours when there is conflict in that relationship (‘the negative cycle’’). Hence the title of this post, or it could be called ‘why is it always me?’.
It might be unsurprising to hear that our initial attachment styles develop from our early experiences of care givers and close relationships in our immediate vicinity. When we select a partner, we do so on multiple levels e.g. a ‘public fit’, a ‘conscious fit’ and an ‘unconscious fit’. Our relationship, if we’re fortunate, is a functional amalgamation of any number of ‘relationship types’ –- if we are less fortunate our relationship is predominantly characterised by one or two dynamics which tend to be inflexible when put under stress. When we experience conflict in that relationship, essentially it is the way that we communicate with each other, the assumptions we make about each other’s behaviour and how we respond that determines what effect or damage this might have on our relationship (the 'negative cycle’’).
The majority of couples, friendships and family relationships are functional; they may not be the happiest, most spontaneous or ideal, but to a greater or lesser extent they function relatively well without any need for outside input - be it friends, family or an independent third party (me!)
Unfortunately, it is when the couple dynamic becomes dysfunctional and the negative cycle of communication takes hold, that it can become very difficult for any relationship to go anywhere and the couple get stuck on the merry-go-round of joy, or as we might say hundreds of arguments but always the same one.
It is always better to talk to someone sooner rather than later and establish a healthy relationship dynamic before the couple gets bogged down or entrenched in their positions. However, if you didn’t see it coming and you feel stuck in a negative cycle, contact us to arrange a session with RCS and do not despair!